Day to DAY

Day to Day,

  Thats what i have to think, these past weeks have been so busy, its like im still tryin to catch myslef and jsut slow down. This past weekend was coo, but still there is that empty stop in me. I don't know what it is but there is this void that can't be filled, and its hurting me to go on, and i know God only gives you what he knows you can handle but sometimes i feel like its too much and he forgets am not as strong. I dunno just thought i would come a vent here since not a whole lot of peeps check this much anymore. I am so ready for a new change, am done with this life style, i need to get back on track b4 i loose myself, i need to find that line b4 im lost forever.

ALONE

Things are really stressed right now, i don't know what am doing, i have like 10000000 emotions going through me every sec. All i want to do is find that somone who is really in it to win it! i want someone who fucking adores me for who i really am, who makes me laugh like no other, someone who can put up a fight for me and with me, someone who counts on the lil things, i dunno it seems useless, it seems like there will never come a day where any of these things will ever cross my path! am so fucking tired to wasting my time with ppl. I am tired of the lies i don't understand. I am a good gurl, i fucking kick ass, am more than the rest. But they say be patient and it will get here, but i have waited too long!

Confusion!

Ok so i love this pic becasue of who i have around me, not saying any names but if u are wise you know who am talking about!

Well this past weekend has been so crazy! never did i ever think i could meet somone so REAL! so UPFORNT! and that could also drive me crazy. I've been feelin this person for a mintue and i guess finally they came around to see what was lying right in front of them. I don't know whats going on, i don't know if this will even be something to write about in the end, but im having fun getting to that point of knowing. I really like him, i have to say, it may be fast but i can't control it even if i wanted to. There is just somehting that he does to me, i don't know how to put into words, but however, my gaurd doesn't want to put down. I know that he is a Man which means u can't believe everything they speak......even though it sounds really GOOD! i dunno what going to happen ......and it kills me from time to time, cuz im so ready to actually be with someone like him, i have learned alot from the past that am ready to fix and i think its time i challenge myself and be with someone like him. But the one mistake i tend to make alot is jumping in head first, but i love the ride, but i also know thats how things get fucked up, so im not counting on anything, i guess just hoping is all!

So its been awhile......long long long time! i don't even know if anyone comes on here anymore, but i guess i will write.

OK this summer has been one to remember, i have grown up alot this summer and im finding who i am more and more each day. This summer was about appritiating the people we love in our life everyday because you never know when they will leave this earth.

My grandma died this summer right b4 i left to school, she died July 24, 2006 on a monday. Life has not been the same, its like you think you are ready for what may happen but when it does.....its not as you imagen. I miss her everyday, i miss the little things about her so much, i miss walking into the house and seeing her setting in her chair watching her novelas. i miss her coming through the kitchen with her walker trying to run someone over. I miss her always being in the kitchen making something that tasted delicious! i miss her voice, her words, her spanish. I miss her smell of moth balls when she cleaned out her closet. I just miss her.

The funeral was sureal, i felt like i was going through the motions but i wasn't really there. I cried but it did not hit me until a week after she died. I remember having this feeling come over me that she was really gone, that she was not coming back. I remember how my heart really missed her, i couldn't talk with my family about it b/c i didn';t want to bring anyone down, but my dad knew what was wrong. And that was kind of weird that he knew i missed her. That night i took the car out for a drive and drove to this spot where i just cried and cried and cried. I cried for her so hard, i cried to God to bring her back i was angry that she had to go. I know now that it is selfish to think that way but i needed to let it out.

No one...NO ONE will ever replace her, she holds a very special place in the hearts of many people. She is a legend in her own way, she was a strong hispanic women. She lived  her life with no regrets and she got to see her family grow and succeed.

I thank God for letting me have her for as long as my family did. And i thank him for her spirit that lives within me now. I was blessed, truly blessed to have her in my life. I got to see her when i woke up and when i went to sleep. Out of all her grandchildren my sister and brother and I were her babies, we where like her own. And thats one thing no one can ever take away or say. Fransisca Reyes was my wonderful, beautiful, strong, loving, stuburn, funny, caring, trusting, hardworking grandmother! mi abuelita!

ight peeps its been a hot minute since i have said some new shit!

So ight well things have been coo, i mean besides the everyday stress of school, family, sorority shit, exc. But V-day is tomorrow and well there are going to be all the couples out doing there things!...well the hell wit ya'll!..lol....ill have my own lil pitty party and watch romantic movies and dweal on the past!...

lol....yea right just kidding. But i do plan to treat myself to a fine meal, and watch a funny movie to make me laugh and just chill and do me!(which means doing shit that makes me happy without having to wait for a man to take me out exc.)...cuz V-day  is about love and I LOVE MYSELF!....I DON'T need a man to wine me and dime me to tell me what im worth. Shit im glad not to be in a relationship right now cuz damn that is to much DRAMA! 4 me that i don;t have time 4. So im coo with just being me and being HAPPY!...so to all the single ladies, be proud of who u are and never think that a man is how you show what u are worth...cuz we women are worth more then they will ever know!  

p.s.

On V-day do u girls!...just do whatcha want to do!